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Woman - Reclaim Your Precious Peace When You Have To Say 'No' To A Guy With The Wrong Idea!

Updated: Apr 4, 2023


Ooh, a slightly revealing post about a MASSIVE learning for me ..

the realisation that I'd grown up thinking that anyone who showed interest in me - I somehow 'owed' them for that. I found it so difficult to have boundaries (in fact, I didn't have any) and to deal with people who 'expected' something from me that I didn't want to give, or who were 'inappropriate'.

Particularly men!

I grew up feeling that a woman's job was to be a man-pleaser / appeaser / rescuer / enabler - and somewhere deep inside - I bloody resented that, though I was too shy back then to own it! It somehow sullied my natural compassion for men and made it so that I often felt a need to be guarded around those I wasn't related to and ever-wary of ulterior motives (appropriately so, as it so often disappointingly turned out.)

And I know it's almost guaranteed that most women who might read this post have, like me, had many, many instances of 'inappropriate' of their own to field too.

If a man was aroused by me, I used to feel it was somehow my fault - my 'responsibility' for his 'situation', be it lust/love-struck or bearing an uninvited stonker, and therefore would sometimes feel compelled to 'hide' my attractiveness (by which I mean as a person who was fun, irreverent, cheeky, mischievous, playful, bold, challenging, outgoing etc), as well as to feel so shy about physical attraction to me in my youth that I would unconsciously dumb down and hide my bodacious so that ..

  • someone wouldn't put me in that situation of having to deal with unwanted attraction and unwelcome attention

  • I wouldn't have to feel like a manipulative man-baiter for 'causing' a man's attraction/arousal just by enjoying being myself as a vibrant young woman and so there were more than a handful of times when I wouldn't feel 'free' to be myself without the potential for generating an awkward accompanying feeling of indebtedness that made me feel deeply uncomfortable (and so I held back so much of myself!)

  • I wouldn't have to feel guilty for having to disappoint a man because I didn't feel the same way and then have to try and extricate myself, feeling utterly embarrassed and even mean

Wow! New levels of realisations are flowing to me as I write and awaken to just how big this has been in my life ..

and just how profound an effect this has had on me, mostly for the lost opportunities to truly shine and let my roaring 'tigress' out (always felt like I was somehow stuck in tiger-cub because to step into my tigress would mean that I either thought too much of myself or that I wanted to manipulate and/or control men when none of my desire to step into my power had a damn thing to do with men!).


Now, I see it, my commitment is to reclaim my 'roaring tigress' and to step into my voice and my power, and even my sexiness again (at the grand age of 56 soon so ok, it may be a little less sexy than it used to be) in 2019. Boy, have I got tired of holding back .. !

Anyone care to join me in roaring in the new year?

(Written 28th December 2018)

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