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Victim? Or Powerful, Boundaried Woman?

Updated: Jun 2, 2021

It's an important question, no?

When one takes a bigger picture view, it’s possible to see that blaming and sniping is the embodiment of victimhood.

While it’s very easy to see how the drawing of the big guns habit of many men / the fear response of many women, and how it came to be that this was an effective strategy for shutting us down (let's face it, who can tolerate violence in any form without fearing it, or of fearing even the pain of verbal hostility and abusive behaviour for that matter?!) ..

isn't it vital that we regroup ..

and 'restrategise'?

Here’s the thing: the way I've come to see it, men who behave this way do it because we allow it; because

we remain in cooperation with it through continued relationship on the terms set out

and/or engaged in a 'battle' we aren't consciously aware we signed up for.

The minute we step into our power and respond with dignity instead, we leave them ‘powerless’ to intimidate any further / with nowhere to go (other than to cross the line, which is where we MUST put distance in place, of course).

When we ‘teach’ through our behaviour and stop trying to rationalise verbally in reply to irrational behaviour, that has the momentum of habit behind it, and respond instead with behaviour that demonstrates clearly that we’re no longer buying into the intimidation game, don't we claim back our power from the overbearing bully tactics and cease to play along with the frightened little girl habit - though she may still be there, trembling inside, where we can honour her by allowing her to inform us of the need for caution, wisdom and emotionally intelligent responses in order to diffuse the physical tension and bring down the arms?

Once that has happened and the situation is less inflamed, under control, reigned in, and with our persistence, found to be no longer effective as a strategy, is that the point where we can return to dialogue and renegotiate?

Isn't it SO a two way street?

To get there, aren't women called to step away from the trap of victimhood to respond from a place of empowered confidence?

As I see it, it will take guts ..

but hey, since when did women lack guts - when we've fought for generations for our equality, if not our lives?!?

So, should we be asking ourselves - how far has 'fighting' brought us?

Some distance, of course - but aren't we all exhausted by the drain of it on our compassionate hearts?

Didn't it play the game the (unawoken) man's way?

So, what can we do instead, one may ponder ..?

Could it be that all that’s needed is a slight change of focus to change everything?

Don't they say

When you change the way you look at things ..

the things you look at change?

With love,

Trish Brennan



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A Handful of Comments on this post

(From first sharing on 3rd August 2018 - what convinced me to start a Blog!)

Brilliant Trish. I resonate with this and thank you for speaking up.

Aja D

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