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Oh, What Price Do We Pay To Be Lovable?

Updated: Aug 10, 2018

So what happens to a woman's 'self'-esteem, 'self'-confidence and 'self'-respect, when to be loved (considered lovable, and 'acceptable') - by her father; by her mother; by her family; in her wider social circle & in society generally, she had to dumb-down? Does she feel deep and lasting compromise? Does she retain respect for herself when she had to 'act as if' she IS the accepted version of herself, the repressed self, rather than the self she feels she really is, deep down beneath the face that becomes the public one (perhaps?), or does she become more distanced from her own esteem with every passing year of playing the game - because one feels one has to, or risk banishment / isolation / rejection?

And if, with the wisdom and increasing desire to reclaim the lost parts of herself as she advances in years and experience, she begins to do just that; is the welcoming of that real self conditional - that she doesn't get too carried away with her actualisation? Does she risk alienating her peers when she begins to let her light shine and starts to flourish in her reclamation? Do her peers feel somehow compelled to 'ground' her (as in 'bring her back down to earth') in case she 'gets too big for her boots'? Does the feminine 'police' itself and therein sabotage its own actualisation; maybe unconsciously, maybe not?

In a less brutal (at least, physically) way than that modelled by mothers in certain cultures when they hold down their own screaming daughters while another woman cuts out her clitoris with a razor blade, with no anesthesia because she had it forcefully done to herself - do we hold down our own (daughters / sisters / friends / peers ..) to make them suffer the same as we did because it wouldn't seem fair any other way; to make sure they don't grow away from us; or succeed more than we did; or create a happier life and better relationships? Do we fear being the wind beneath their wings - in case it highlights for us the ways we opted out (unconsciously, or not) of being the wind beneath our own?

So - I ask you again - what happens to our sense of self when we come face to face with having played a game we didn't set the rules for but which we played along with long past the time when we had the power to rewrite them?

With love,

Trish Brennan


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