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Doing The Difficult Conversation Thing ..

Updated: Aug 10, 2018

As a person with a passionate curiosity about communication, I came across a very interesting nugget during my NLP training:


'You cannot not communicate'.





I've witnessed so many relationships / families / communities come undone when one is trying to communicate, usually in words (perhaps our unique human gift, but probably not, when one really thinks about it), where the other does not respond likewise, but instead appears to prefer one of the other options to striving for understanding that could ultimately benefit all: perhaps silent, often excruciatingly painful disconnect; perhaps blaming and intransigence; perhaps closing down to trying to understand the personal histories of another that could have given rise to hurtful words/behaviour, which may well remain in the realm of the unconscious until given opportunity to come into awareness via adult relationships with others.


Having witnessed - sometimes up close and personal - the agony of all the above, it's always seemed to me that these choices are such a lost opportunity for growth and healing all round - even if a mutual decision to disconnect results, with respect for one another's differences, or even just when a clear understanding of what has caused the disconnect has been gained so that learning, character development and potentially future healing has the potential to occur; so that wounds have been cleaned out (ie the hurts have been aired & heard, on both sides) so they can begin to heal rather than eat away at emotional, psychological, physical & relational wellbeing.


Bearing in mind the way things are in the wider world - where the patriarchal model will so often opt for little more than schoolyard bullying on a grand and terrifying scale and hundreds if not thousands, or even millions die, I wonder what other people feel about this?


I wonder what the learning is for the children of the world in this reticence to do the hard stuff of taking a deep breath and communicating what is felt - with integrity, patience, understanding, empathy and forgiveness.


I wonder, even, what healing could occur just for the individual to have done this - even if the other communicated to appears all closed doors and uncomprehending, or perhaps unwilling to acknowledge what is spoken?


How powerfully cleansing the rising to that personal challenge in so responsible a way could be, regardless of another’s response to it?


With deep regard & love for my fellow change makers.



Trish Brennan



❤️


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